What’s up, #STBArmy? It’s your boy Ben Bags, here to take you on a journey through the single most chaotic, IQ-reducing experience in crypto—Twitter Spaces.
If you’ve ever tuned into one, you already know what’s coming:
✔ 15 minutes of the host yelling “Can y’all hear me?” into the void.
✔ 30 minutes of technical analysis that makes no sense.
✔ 45 minutes of grown men shilling a token named “ShibaPepeElon69” like their life depends on it.
✔ And exactly 0 minutes of useful financial advice.
For the uninitiated, let me break down what you’re missing:
🚀 A Totally, Completely, 100% Accurate Crypto Twitter Space Transcript 🚀
🔊 Host: “Aight fam, we are LIVE! Welcome to ‘Moon or Rug?’—the only space that will DEFINITELY change your financial future. Got some real legends up here today. First, let’s hear from my guy, ‘AlphaWhale5000.’”
🐋 AlphaWhale5000: “Appreciate the invite. Yeah, I’ve been in crypto since Bitcoin was $5, made my first milli flipping JPEGs of frogs, and now I run a VC fund that’s totally not a Ponzi.”
🔊 Host: “Mad respect. Alright, let’s talk markets. Where we at?”
📈 ChartWizardX: “Technically speaking, if Bitcoin holds support at 52K, we send to 100K. If it breaks, we’re going to zero. But also, maybe sideways.”
🔊 Host: “So… bullish?”
📉 ChartWizardX: “Bullish with a chance of giga-dump.”
🔊 Host: “Incredible insight. Alright, bringing up ‘ShillGod420’—bro, what’s the next 1000x?”
💎 ShillGod420: “Y’all are sleeping on MegaDogeXPepeSolanaInu. Fully doxxed devs, liquidity locked for like… at least a week. This is the play.”
🔊 Host: “Sounds LEGIT. How early are we?”
💎 ShillGod420: “Brother, you are so early that even the devs haven’t bought in yet.”
🎤 Random Listener: “Uh yeah, wen Binance?”
🔊 Host: “Great question, moving on.”
🎤 Another Listener: “If I put $100 in, how much will I have by next Tuesday?”
💎 ShillGod420: “Conservatively? $10 million. Aggressively? Retirement money. But also, NFA.”
🔥 Random NFT Guy: “Yeah, but have y’all seen PixelPenguinApes? Floor price is 0.02 ETH, and the community is insane.”
🔊 Host: “Alright, let’s wrap it up. Final thoughts?”
🚀 MoonChad69: “Bullish.”
📉 ChartWizardX: “Bearish. But also bullish. With a slight chance of crabbing.”
💎 ShillGod420: “BUY MEGADOGE X PEPE SOLANA INU.”
🔥 Random NFT Guy: “Penguins are the future.”
🔊 Host: “Alright fam, hit that like button, follow the speakers, and stay degen. We’re ALL gonna make it. Probably.”
(Space abruptly ends when the host’s WiFi rugs.)
Final Thoughts from Ben Bags
Crypto Twitter Spaces are part business meeting, part carnival, part fever dream. But somehow, they keep us coming back.
So next time you see a 🚨 LIVE NOW 🚨 notification, just tap in. Worst case? You hear a dude say “wen moon?” for an hour. Best case? You secure the bag.
💼🚀 #facts
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