Ben Bags’ Crypto Survival Guide: How to Get Rekt and Still Smile

Yo, STB Army! It’s ya boy Ben Bags, back with anotherhard-hitting, no-nonsense, totallynot-financial-adviceblog. Today, we’re talkingcrypto jargon—aka the special language we all use to pretend we know what we’re doing.

Let’s be real—if you’ve been in the game long enough, you’ve HODL’d when you should’ve sold,sold when you should’ve HODL’d, andaped into some garbage token because a Twitter guru with laser eyes told you to. Don’t worry, I’m here to break it all down for you… with just a sprinkleof truth and trauma.

HODL – aka the Hill We All Die On

“Holding On for Dear Life” isn’t just an investment strategy—it’s a lifestyle. It’s what you do when you buy a coin at $1, watch it drop to $0.02, and instead of selling, you tell yourself“It’s all part of the cycle, bro”while staring at your ramen noodles.

FOMO – The Fear That Ruins Your Life

Crypto’s version of peer pressure. FOMO hits when you see a coin pumping 200%, and you know you should stay away, but your degenerate brain whispers, “What if it goes to 1000%?”

So you buy… and within 15 minutes, the price nukes into oblivion. Congrats, you just bought someone’s exit liquidity.

FUD – Fake News for Crypto Bros

Short for Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt, aka the boogeyman of the market. This is when some billionaire tweets “I don’t like Bitcoin” and suddenly everyone panic sells—except the whales, who buy your bags for cheap while you cry into your coffee.

WAGMI – The Ultimate Cope Phrase

“We’re All Gonna Make It!”—a rallying cry for bag holders coping with heavy losses. If you ever see someone aggressively typing “WAGMI” in a Telegram chat, there’s a 97% chance their portfolio is down bad, and they just need someone to lie to them.

NGMI – The Harsh Reality Check

The opposite of WAGMI. Not Gonna Make It. Usually reserved for people who:

• Sold Bitcoin at $100

• Bought Dogecoin at $0.69

• Keep getting rugged by tokens with names like“ShibaElonFlokiDoge 2.0”

• Think day trading is easy

Pump and Dump – The Art of Getting Scammed in Broad Daylight

You know the drill. Some “crypto expert” on Twitter shills a random token, tells you it’s “the next 100x”, and the price goes vertical. You FOMO in, thinking you’re about to secure generational wealth. Five minutes later, the chart rug-pulls harder than your last relationship. The devs disappear, the Telegram group is deleted, and you’re left holding a worthless bag.

Welcome to crypto.

Wen Moon? – The Question That Haunts Us All

If I had a dollar for every time I asked “Wen moon?”, I wouldn’t need crypto—I’d already be rich. This phrase is used by every degen staring at their portfolio, waiting for the moment when their $37 investment turns into a Lambo. Spoiler alert: it won’t.

Rekt – A Condition We All Suffer From

You bought the top. You sold the bottom. Your stop-loss didn’t trigger. You believed in a low-cap gem that turned out to be a scam. You, my friend, are rekt. The only cure? More copium.

Final Thoughts: Secure the Bag, or Regret It Forever!

Crypto is a wild, unforgiving jungle, but that’s what makes it fun. Whether you’re a HODLer, a paper-handed panic seller, or a full-on degen who just aped into a BSC token with a dog logo —just remember: the game isn’t over until you quit.

And if you’re down bad? WAGMI, baby. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.

#STBArmy #SecureTheBag #Facts